15 April 2007

Jab Do Dil Pyaar Karega

This post is about this Sindhi Group Saving Girls from Falling in love. Obviously this was the most obnoxious thing that I had heard for a long time. And there were some obvious reactions. http://www.ibnlive.com/news/sindhis-fuming-over-fatwa/38506-3.html. But things were not supposed to stop at that point. Those so called social leaders were also ready with rules for the girls. http://www.ibnlive.com/news/sindhis-set-rules-for-bhopal-girls/38392-3.html.

All that was for this http://www.ibnlive.com/news/hc-blesses-hindumuslim-couple/38339-3.html

Now this certainly created a sort of a storm of electric discharges in neurons in my brain. First of all, there was no hue and cry from well known shouters, the Muslim fatwa generators(Muslim Personal Law Board). Probably smart guy Umesh/Umar already saw it coming and converted to Hindism. But then why the hell is Bajrang Dal against it. Damn it you have one more Hindu and one less Muslim. Bloody hell what do these guys need more.

Now came the Sindhi Community. This is one community which till this day I thought was one of the most progressive community of India. Surely unlike my Marwari community. But now I feel I am in a better community. I have never heard of such horrific things.

One more thing struck me. Why the hell are the people not making rules against the boys of Sindhi community. Oh I forgot, they can do whatever they wish for sure. Anyways how will the Sindhi boys survive without the money they can get from their Dad and Dad-in-Law. Really is that so? Talibanism in India is taking roots is it? Not sure. Can anyone Enlighten me.

Even more amazing is the fact that this is nothing new in India. With heros like Prithviraj Chauhan and Salim. I think they forgot about how Lord Krishna married Rukmini. for those who have least idea look here in Wikipedia. Its not so difficult to accept this from the boys point of view. Probably thats the root of the problem. When it comes to accepting a girl who has been in love and married her love. She has to suffer. Meera bai did. I dont know how many more centuries will it take to change the Great Indian Pseudo-Hindu Attitude.

11 April 2007

ABC for the real Calcuttan

This is not my creation but I found it pretty interesting. I received it as a forward. Its really awesome

A is for Apish (Office). This is where the average Kolkatan goes and spends a day hard(ly) at work. If he is in the Government he will arrive at 10, wipe his forehead till 11, have a tea break at 12, throw around a few files at 12.30, break for lunch at 1, smoke an unfiltered cigarette at 2, break for tea at 3, sleep sitting down at 4 and go home at 5. It’s a hard life!

B is for Boka. Meaning phool or eedeeot, often used with an abusive rhyming attachment which means an absolute phool or eedeeot.

C is for Chappell.
This is the Bengali word for the Devil, for the worst form of evil. In the night mothers put their kids to sleep saying ‘go to bed, or Chappell will come and take you away.’

D is for Debashish.
By an ancient law every fourth Bengali Child has to be named Debashish. So you have a Debashish everywhere and trying to get creative they are also called Deb, Debu, Deba with variations like Debnath and Deboprotim thrown in.

E is for Eeesh. This is a very common Bengali exclamation made famous by Aishwarya Rai in the movie Devdas. It is estimated that on an average a Bengali uses eeesh 10,089 times every year. (That’s counting eeesh and other eeesh-ish words).

F is for Feesh. These are creatures that swim in rivers and seas and are a favourite food of the Bengalis. Despite the fact that a fish market has such strong smells, with one sniff a Bengali knows if a fish is all right. If not, he will say ‘eeesh, what feeesh is theeesh!’

G is for Good name. Every Bengali Boy will have a good name like Debashish or Deboprotim and a pet name like Shontuda, Chonti, and Dinku. While every Bengali Girl will be Paromita or Protima as well as Shampa, Champa and Buri. Basically your nickname is there to kill your good name.

H is for Harmonium. The Bengali equivalent of a rock guitar. Take four Bengalis and a Harmonium and you have the successors to The Bheatles!

I is for lleesh. This is a feeesh with 10,000 bones which would kill any ordinary person, but which the Bengalis eat with releeesh!

J is for Jamaibabu or Jhamela or Jhola. No self respecting Bengali is complete without his Jhola. It is a shapeless cloth bag where he keeps all his belongings and he fits an amazing number of things in. Even as you read this there are 2 million jholas bobbling around Kolkata- and they all look exactly the same!

K is for Kee Kando. It used to be the favourite Bengali exclamation till eeesh took over because of Aishwarya Rai (now Kee Kando’s agent is trying to hire Bipasha Basu).

L is for Ludo or Lungi. People in Kolkata manage to play football and cricket wearing it. Now there is talk of a lungi expedition to Mt. Everest. That is when they are not playing Ludo on the “roK”

M is for Minibus. These are dangerous half buses whose antics would effortlessly frighten the living daylights out of Formula 1 race drivers.

N is for Nangtoe. This is the Bengali word for Naked. It is the most interesting naked word in any language!

O is for Oil. The Bengalis believe that a touch of mustard oil will cure anything from cold (oil in the nose), to earache (oil in the ear), to cough (oil on the throat) to piles (oil you know where!)

P is for Potol and Pantua - the must haves on all Bong meals.

Q is for Queen. This really has nothing to do with the Bengalis or Kolkata, but it’s the only Q word I could think of at this moment. There’s also Quilt but they never use them in Kolkata. Queez. Every Calcuttan is crazy about it. Check the top Indian queezmasters.

R is for Robi Thakur. Many years ago Rabindranath got the Nobel Prize. This allows everyone in Kolkata to frame their acceptance speeches and walk with their head held high and look down at Delhi and Mumbai! R used to be for “Rok (rock)-bazi” - the quintessential place for sitting and watching the street idling away till a few years back.

S is for Shala: Wife’s brother or the most publicly used swear word in Kolkata.

T is for Trams. Hundred years later there are still trams in Kolkata. Of course if you are in a hurry it’s faster to walk.

U is for Ambrela. When a Bengali baby is born they are handed one.

V is for Violence. Bengalis are the most non-violent violent people around. When an accident happens they will shout and scream and curse and abuse, but the last time someone actually hit someone was in 1979.

W is for Water. For three months of the year the city is under water and every year for the last 200 years the authorities are taken by surprise by this!

X is for X mas. It’s very big in Kolkata, with Park Street fully lit up.

Y is for Yestaarday. Which is always better than today for a Bengali.

Z is for Jeebra, Joo, Jip and Jylophone.